The Cheque is in the Post/Ether!

I cannot believe that today I am screaming and shouting about an injustice that I was screaming and shouting about fifty-five years ago!!

The injustice to which I refer is the late payment to jobbing actors who do Voice Overs for Advertising agencies and their respective clients, which include, banks, cell phone companies, white-goods manufactures, automobile manufacturers and distributors, retail companies, insurance companies, confectionary & sweets, chocolate bars, computer makers, airlines, beer, wine and sprit manufactures.

I have during my illustrious career voice over-ed for all the above products, 15 years for a beer company, twelve years for a household goods manufacturer, two years for an airline, three years for an insurance company, a chewy chocolate bar for three years, and several wine producers. All this during fifty-five years as a jobbing actor and voice-over artist and I’m still waiting for a payment for a job I recorded in early April of this year. Two radio spots for a leading local Cell phone company and an up-market Cell phone manufacturer.

These spots have been broadcast nationally over the airwaves since the first week of May! There is nothing more galling for an artist to hear his dulcet voice airing the magnificence of a product while he or she has not been paid.

The payment is divided in two parts, one for his/her performance in the studio and another for its usage. The latter is dependant on the period which the advertisement is broadcast, either three or six months or a year. There is also a clause which entitles the artist’s agent to renegotiate the usage fee should the advertising agent and product manufacturer wish to use the advert for another year.

The advertising agencies claim that the product manufacturer does not pay them for at least sixty days after the advert is aired. I ask the question, when is the broadcasting company paid? Does the SABC, M-Net or E-TV, have to wait for their money too? I find this hard to believe! I suspect that the broadcasting company will not air the advert till it has been paid in advance!!

And I think that the artist should also not allow the spot to be broadcast or the advert aired, till he or she has been paid!

I attend a clinic at the local general hospital, I have done this for over sixty years. Every now and again the fee for this service has increased from ten Rand back in the nineteen seventies up to sixty-five Rand now. But I must pay this fee before I can even see a doctor, have the necessary tests and receive my medication. A very simple and easy procedure; why can’t the advertising industry have a similar one?

Imagine what would happen if you didn’t pay the mechanic for the repair to your car? You wouldn’t get your car! Imagine what would happen if you didn’t pay the plumber who changed or washer or if you hadn’t paid the electrician who’s replaced your earth-leakage unit? Both these artisans would remove what they had fixed!!

I understand that certain professions like lawyers, doctors, accountants all submit monthly invoices for the work they have done for various clients and allow some latitude if their payments are not forthcoming, but they then add interest to these late payments, just like late-paid municipal accounts. But Voice-over artist do not even get this!

Way back when I did a lot of voice-overs and I had a friendly bank manager, I could ride the late payments as I always knew that I could increase my overdraft and pay my monthly bills, but now in old age work is not so prolific and waiting for five or seven thousand Rand means the disconnection of my electricity!

God knows how younger artists are coping either. If any of you younger readers are venturing into the world of voice-overring, I strongly advise you either to have a good-standing overdraft facility with your bank or an exceptionally good agent whom can chase outstanding payments from advertising agencies!

My agent went through a very difficult negotiation with a local beer manufacturer in the nineteen eighties. Under the voice-over contract the Ad agency can broadcast the advert on either radio or on television, but nowhere in the contract is it said they can broadcast them at a live venue like a cricket match.

Back then, the beer company was the national sponsor of the South African cricket team, the Proteas. It so happened that I was given eight free tickets by the brewery to watch an ODI game at the Wanderers in Johannesburg against the mighty Australians. My children at the time were living in Phalaborwa with their mother, they were going to the same school as Dale Steyn, who even at the tender age of ten was keenly interested in cricket. I gave all the tickets to my children who came down to Johannesburg for the weekend accompanied by Dale Steyn and his father.

They had a fantastic time watching Alan Donald decimate the Australian batsmen with figures of five for sixty and the Proteas won the game, however over a few beers, when I met them afterwards, they could not stop talking about my voice-overs which they had the pleasure of hearing at almost every bowling change. Dale’s father brought up the question, “How much do they pay you?” I pleaded ignorance as I did not even know they were being aired at the match. Both the radio spots and the television Ads were shown on the big screen, urging the attending public to fill their plastic cups with “The taste that stood the test of time.”

It took my agent four months of negotiation with the advertising agency, SA Breweries and the Wanderer’s cricket ground officials. All three entities were involved because each of them blamed the other and were reluctant to pay. Finally, a deal was struck and for the next eight years I received a fee for their use at live matches.

Another tale from the same era, in the days before the new-fangled- technologies entered our lives, a fellow thespian and voice artist waited for five months for his payment. Deciding he could wait no longer he and a friend visited the advertising agency in Sandton, Approaching the enquiry desk he asked to speak to the senior accountant and said he would wait. He then lent over the counter and grabbed the small switchboard, disconnected it and sat down with his mate. Within five minutes the accountant arrived, and he informed him of his problem. The accountant departed and returned a few minutes later with a cheque made out to cash!

There are some happy endings!

DATA

I have recently, in a past blog, written about The New-Fangled -Technologies that confront us on an almost daily basis.

It’s time I attacked the cost and the use of that commodity which one must have to operate the New-Fangled-Technologies, i.e. DATA!

For almost ten years I made use of an internet company, which for the meagre sum of ninety Rand a month supplied me with 2 Gigs of internet usage. Unfortunately, they were forced to close.

They kindly offered me the chance to join another company that would give me a Wi-Fi service of 2 Gigs usage, but at over twice the cost, two hundred Rand. After quickly looking at all other offers, I realised that this was going to be the cheapest on the market, so I signed on the dotted line and accepted the offer.

I have now been in the cloud, so to speak, with this company and the Windows Microsoft 10 operating system, for five months. Some things have been OK; I’ve managed to keep writing my blog; helped edit a couple of play-scripts for friends and continued to make posts on Facebook and send emails. All well and good, you might say. But!!!

I’ve continually been bombarded with annoying adverts and distractions asking me if I want to buy something or upgrade to some new-fangled-distraction!!

These adverts I’ve now realised are using up my paid for internet Data!!

Last month, for the first time ever!!! I found that I had used my 2 Gigs three days before the end of the month!

I do not download movies, I do not use U-tube! All I do is blog, Facebook and send emails!

Very annoying!!!!

Another complaint I have is that, in the past I’ve always enjoyed a game of “Free-Cell”. Now, with Windows ten, I must play this game in the cloud, so to speak, and this also means that almost every ten minutes or so, I’m hit with another wave of Ads offering me other games which I don’t want!

Microsoft does offer the ability to avoid these infuriating advertisements, but this means I must upgrade and pay an additional cost! Galling to say the least! It seems that every way there is to try and keeps costs down, the technology companies have a way to increase the cost!

At least when my late grandfather flew his racing pidgeons, way back in the nineteen-hundreds, the only cost he had was the feed, as he had me to clean their loft and from their effluent, he made the most efficient fertiliser! A pity there is no effluent from Data, or its usage!

Recently, The Independent Communications Authority of South Africa (Icasa) compared the cost of data within Brazil, Russia, India, China and South Africa – the BRICS nations, because of a request by the public.

Its findings are published in a report analysing the tariff plans offered by local operators.

Icasa looked at the price of 500MB, 1GB and 2GB packages. In South Africa, the body found that the difference between the cheapest ($7.15 aproximately 90 Rand) and most expensive 2GB package ($19.57 aproximately R230).

Do a google search, “Ways to reduce your Data cost!” and you’ll find numerous ways to reduce your DATA usage, particularly when on holiday and using your smart phone. Most of the advice is common sense, like switching of your “roaming facility”. But it seems, unless you’re a hacker or computer boffin, there is no way to stop the technology companies charging fucking exorbitant rates.

If any of you readers have simple method, I would be extremely grateful if you could pass on the information.

This morning I came across another “Rip-off”. My over twenty-year-old Hansa gate motor is malfunctioning. I took a quick look and realised that the latch mechanism, which is a slightly bent metal bar with a free-wheeling plastic nodule at its end, was not working. This mechanism stops the gate motor by hitting a rise on the horizontal bar and the plastic nodule at the end of the metal bar had completely worn away.

Considering that the Hansa motor is over twenty-four years old, not bad.

I tracked down a gate repair company who specialises in Hansa motors and took the metal bar to them to get a spare part. I was knocked sideways when I was told the replacement would cost two hundred and twenty Rand. The offered alternative was to bring the motor in to them, and they would replace the mechanism totally for one thousand and forty Rand!!

I am now at work with some 20mm electrical plastic conduit and my Pratley’s quick-set glue and putty “Magyer-ing” a solution and making a new plastic nodule to fit on the end of the 4cm long slightly bent metal bar.

I am totally confused by the ingenuity that technology companies have in created new products that work twice as badly as the old ones that they created. This money-grabbing formula seems to be entering our lives daily.

I have a little tool-box draw in which I store all the Cadac-gas-valves I have accumulated over the past fifty years. I do not think I’ve bought a new one for at least twenty-five years. Every time one of my gas filling valves gets blocked I unblock an old one, fit it on the appliance and hey-presto the light, cooker, blow torch is working again.

However, to unblock the valve a device is needed, a Cadac-valve-cleaning tool. A small device, a metal strip with a very thin, less than a millimetre in circumference. After a search of my tool shed, I couldn’t find mine.

So, I popped down to my local hardware store to be told that Cadac no longer make them and I would have to buy a new valve at forty-three Rand!!

I can announce success! The contraption for the gate is repaired and installed and it work! The marvel of Pratley’s quick-set putty and glue.

Maybe, I am wrong to assume that today is a totally a throw-away society. Everyone follows the easiest solution, throw it away and get a new one. Perhaps I am fortunate as my grandfather was an electrician and a joiner and he took great pleasure in teaching me his invaluable knowledge, which I still use today.

It seems as if today’s youth have not the foggiest idea how to use a nut & bolt; they do not understand the function of a washer. When it comes to the theory and the practical use of electricity their minds are a complete blank. The changing of a plug, connecting a three-way switch, changing a light-fitting, making a Janus cable extension, are all problems they are not educated to solve.

And I need not even mention gas! No wonder there are so many fires and explosions in the world!

I even solved the problem of the missing Cadac vale-cleaner. I made one using a fine stand of electrical wire!

If it works, if it can be repaired, don’t throw it away! and whatever you do; don't buy a new one!!!!!

New-Fangled-Technology and hard earned cash

So, I start to write in the cloud for the first time.

A weird feeling, before on my computers I could always see a list of my files I'd created and known that they were there on my hard drive. Now I am highly suspicious and harbour the thought that they are not in the ethereal cloud.

I long for the day when the pencil and sheet of paper will return, and pigeons were used for the sending of messages.

 All new-fangled technology frightens me. Maybe it's because I don't understand it or perhaps because in my seventies I'm too old to learn?

I throw this last thought into the dustbin or pray the cloud will delete it of its own accord, as I am still able to rewire an electrical distribution board with my eyes almost closed.

So, I press on putting my thoughts into the cloud and am elated to find the file is still there when I return to it the following morning.

What I find hard to grasp or understand is every time my finger hovers over the screen, particularly on my cell phone, some unwelcome application seems to download itself and gobble up the bytes.

Is this an implanted command by Microsoft or the creators of the millions of Applications available to the unsuspecting public? I believe both Microsoft and the Application-creators are to blame as they will try anything to fleece the public of its hard-earned cash!

I am inviting a computer-savvy youngster for an hour tomorrow to find and install an Application that will prevent any advertisements being shown anywhere on my phone and computer.

If he is successful I will immediately inform you.

Yippee!! Tamas, my friend’s son, was extremely helpful and successful in removing a couple of uninvited applications and he created a desktop shortcut to “My computer” and the “control panel”. A most useful task as I can now easily see what devices are attached to my laptop and transfer files back and forth. Thank you Tamas.

But unfortunately, I’m still a trifle confused.

I now have a Microsoft account, a Skype account, a Mays pharmacy account, an Egoli Gas account, a Telkom account, all with different rule and regulations, and maybe foolishly; I’ve given each of them a different password. To deal with this I’ve created a “passwords” file. Surely it would be more convenient if I had the same password for every account. “No, no!”, scream the computer literate saying, “It will be easy to hack into your accounts”. Sound advice, I think.

But very time consuming for my dear self!

I’ve now been thrown into a complete quandary!

I’ve downloaded a movie making AP called “Easy Movie Maker”.  It says that it is for beginners and is simple to use. I’m now five hours down the proverbial line and I still can’t make head or tail of it! I’ve managed to make 3 “Projects” and I’ve saved them, they appear in a box called “Projects!” But I can find no way to name them!

What is more galling, is the YouTube tutorials for the application are useless!!

Now after ten hours I returned to the FREE application. And discovered it’s not free!! I eventually managed to save a file and give it a name, at least I thought I had. After I clicked on “Submit” button, I was immediately asked for thirty-five Rand, so I closed the application down, only to discover it had not been saved. Money grabbing Arseholes!!!

“Easy Movie Maker” uninstalled and a new free-application downloaded called “Filmora”. I’ve open it once and again run into difficulties so onto the Net again to find a tutorial.

The Bastards!!! “Filmora” just like the “Easy” bunch have now asked that I pay them $36 to gain the full programme and I have only 3 days to give them a credit card number, if I am to make use of their SPECIAL Offer!!!

Sorry “Filmora”, I haven’t got $36!!!!

It is galling to find all these “Free” offers on the Net only to discover a week later that they are not free!!

Surely, they are obliged to let their possible customers know that the deal is only a trial-useage and there will be a demand for payment in a week’s time?

“Filmora’s” deception has caused me to postpone my attempt to find a video-producing AP and I have returned to the one function I am able to understand, which is the writing of these blogs.  But I must admit that confusion is in the air. I have now discovered that my “word” application offers me the choice of writing my blog as either a document or a “Blog”, and yet I can’t fathom out the difference!

Common sense tells me that if I write it as a “Blog” the formatting will work better when I copy and paste it into my blog-post. However, for ten years I have written my blog as a word document and then copied and pasted it. Apart from a few trials and tribulations, as to the size of my font and the placing of a few photographs I seem to have succeeded.

I any of you reading this have any suggestions on this matter, I would greatly appreciate if you could comment at the end of reading on the blog page.

AND it is not just computers and the internet that are dabbling in new-fangled technologies!!

Our local power utility company seems to have entered the fray. Now instead of running their 3- phase supply on 3 separate high-wire street wires they are bungling then together into one. Alright, this prevents falling tree branches snapping the individual phase wire but now that all 3 insulated phases are “bungled” together it has become doubly difficult to trace a short! The reason they offer for the innovation is, “It’s cheaper!”

The medical fraternity is also climbing on the band wagon with new ways to cure our ailments and in some cases, finding new ways to diagnose them.

Recently, while watching Sky News, I learn that using over one thousand diagnosed cancer patients, research was showing that a diagnosis could be found using DNA, the complex building block of our being. DNA is a thread-like chain of nucleotides the genetic instructions used in the growth, development, functioning and reproduction of all known living organisms. Although it will still be some time before the test is used they jubilantly announced that it would cost over three hundred and fifty Pounds Sterling!

Yep, money certainly makes the world go around.

But it won’t make mine, as I have always been a man of limited means, I will rely on the wisdom of my doctor and my memories of my grandfather who went from an agile active sixty-five-year-old weighing over forty stone to a skeleton covered in skin in six weeks way back in the early nineteen-sixties.

A final industry I’d like you to consider is the automobile business. How would you feel in an Autonomous vehicle? It is estimated that by 2020 we'll have cars capable of being fully autonomous in certain circumstances, on highways and roads with a minimal of variables and no bad weather.

Also think about a vehicle that has a keyless entry and you start your car by using your finger-print or a scan of your eyeball.

Finally give a thought to a vehicle that constantly monitors your body keeping a track of all your vital functions. The legendary motor company Ford, is already working on the idea of your seatbelt or steering wheel sensors that track your vital statistics.

Yeah, it’s time we went back to the Russian pen used in space, the pencil and my grandpa’s pidgeons to carry our messages instead of one of these!!