Monday, January 29, 2018

Ony In the New South Africa!!!


This series of events started in last November when I was instructed by my son to prepare myself for the forthcoming marriage of my daughter to the Red Bull Formula One racing car designer, Mr Adrian Newey. The ceremony was to take place in the final days of the month at a cosy restaurant near the town of Franchoek in the Western Cape province of South Africa.

My daughter, Mandy, pre-booked my flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town; they, the bridal couple were arriving in South Africa at Oliver Tambo airport the same day, and I was to accompany them on the same flight from Joburg to Cape Town.

My son was given the job of making sure I was ship-shape and presentable to fulfil my role in the giving away of my daughter. I had to make sure my one-and-only suit, acquired at a reasonable price from the producer of a play I once performed in, was cleaned and pressed, my shoes polished and have a clean white shirt and a dickie-bow. All this I did, but my major problem was not having any luggage, like an overnight case, in which I could transport my required costume to be transported on the flight to Cape Town.

Regarding my suit; it was double breasted and came with waistcoat and I had acquired for a nominal sum from the producer of a play I had been in fifteen years ago, called “Blue Orange”, written by English dramatist, Joe Penhall. It is a very sardonically comic piece which touches on race, mental illness, and 21st century British life, it premiered at the Cottesloe Theatre in April 2000, and starred   Bill Nighy and Chitetel Ejiofor.

I performed it, playing the same role as Bill Nighy, in Johannesburg early in two thousand and three, receiving reasonable reviews, however it was not a box office success and we only ran for six weeks. So, apart from it being one of the most difficult roles I’ve ever played the only other remembrance of the production comes when I wear my acquired “Blue-Orange” suit.

Getting back to the preparation for my daughter’s wedding; my son solved my problem regarding luggage. He told me to nip to my nearest “GAME” store and purchase an over night case with wheels that would be taken as had luggage on my air-trip. This I did. At the age of sixty-nine I became the owner of my first wheeled travel bag and it did not need a padlock as it had its own combination locking device.

This was where the problem started!

Instructions to operate the device could not be found anywhere on the exterior of the case. Tentatively I slid the catch and it opened; exploring the several inner compartments I eventually found the operating instruction for the combination lock.

I fastidiously followed them and set my birth date as the 4 required numbers 0307, the third day of the seventh month. I was a hundred percent sure that I would not forget them. I tested the opening, closing and locking of the case at least ten times and it worked on every occasion. I set it aside.

The day before I travelled I unlocked and opened the case to beginning packing it with what I would require, casual clothes, socks and underpants for six days, toiletries, dressing gown, slippers, freshly polished shoes, a newly washed white shirt, dickie bow, and dry-cleaned suit.

After three or four checks I locked the case.

On arrival at the lodgings that my son had organised for myself and his accompanying new French girlfriend, we discovered that the combination lock would not work with the 0307 birth-date-code!

Luckily, I trained my son well; and in no time at all he brought out his Swiss army knife from his suitcase and we had my overnight case opened and all my smart clothes duly hung in the wardrobe and sock and pants in a cupboard.

I will not go into the wedding festivities and the celebration of my daughter’s fortieth birthday which happened the day after the wedding now but both events went splendidly. Old school friends of my daughter were there, and relations of my ex-wife attended. I had great difficulty in remembering their names as two and a half decades had passed since I had any contact with any of them.

I returned to Johannesburg and on instructions from my son I immediately returned my overnight bag to the Game store as I luckily had retained my purchase slip.

It was in the first week of December, so I knew that I wouldn’t see my case till the end of the following January as South Africa closes for approximately four weeks over Christmas.

On the 25th on January received a SMS from “GAME” informing me that my repaired case was ready for collection. I went to the store.

16 Jan (12 days ago)
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/images/cleardot.gif
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/images/cleardot.gif
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/images/cleardot.gif
to me
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/images/cleardot.gif

GAME AND GAME LIQUOR Would like to inform Sir Cess Poole
that your Repair item is back in store awaiting your collection

Automated Message : Do not Reply

Ursula, the lady in charge of customer services, wheeled out the case.

I did the proverbial actors-double-take as it was not mine and, my eyes widened in disbelief. A case three times the size of my case was presented to me! Jet black, mine had been brown.

The majestic suitcase stood on the tiled floor.
Should I? Shouldn’t I? The dilemma of honesty confronted my ageing hard-drive!

I do not possess a large suitcase and the prospect of saying nothing was my first thought. However, as I had to travel to Cape Town in the first week of February for a couple of days filming on an American production I would need an overnight case.

“Show me your slip,” asked the customer service lady.

I duly proffered it.

“Eeh numbers are the same.” she said.

“Well they may be,” I replied, “But it’s not mine. Look, I’ll show you a picture.” I added as I rummaged for my cell-phone.

By now there were three customer service officials hovering, two around the case and the other behind the counter. After a brief conversation in their African tongue, most of which I couldn’t understand, the lady with whom I was originally dealing with announced, “We have a problem.”

I agreed and announced that I had to have a suitcase as I was travelling to Cape town on the 2nd of February, so I suggested that I take the large case and would return to the store as soon as they informed me they had my case.

Another indaba in their African tongue followed and I was told that this was OK, as long as I signed a document that outlined what had happened. This I quickly did, signed the statement I had made, was given a copy and, e-mailed the photograph of my case from my phone to them, then I departed.
Two days later I received a phone call from customer services telling me they had my case and I must come and collect it as soon as possible because the owner of the large case was going berserk threating legal action against them.

I am now in possession of my case. The only problem remaining is I have lost the instructions on how to operate the combination lock!!!!

Sunday, January 21, 2018

New-Fangled-Technology and hard earned cash


So, I start to write in the cloud for the first time.

A weird feeling, before on my computers I could always see a list of my files I'd created and known that they were there on my hard drive. Now I am highly suspicious and harbour the thought that they are not in the ethereal cloud.

I long for the day when the pencil and sheet of paper will return, and pigeons were used for the sending of messages.



 All new-fangled technology frightens me. Maybe it's because I don't understand it or perhaps because in my seventies I'm too old to learn?

I throw this last thought into the dustbin or pray the cloud will delete it of its own accord, as I am still able to rewire an electrical distribution board with my eyes almost closed.

So, I press on putting my thoughts into the cloud and am elated to find the file is still there when I return to it the following morning.

What I find hard to grasp or understand is every time my finger hovers over the screen, particularly on my cell phone, some unwelcome application seems to download itself and gobble up the bytes.

Is this an implanted command by Microsoft or the creators of the millions of Applications available to the unsuspecting public? I believe both Microsoft and the Application-creators are to blame as they will try anything to fleece the public of its hard-earned cash!

I am inviting a computer-savvy youngster for an hour tomorrow to find and install an Application that will prevent any advertisements being shown anywhere on my phone and computer.

If he is successful I will immediately inform you.

Yippee!! Tamas, my friend’s son, was extremely helpful and successful in removing a couple of uninvited applications and he created a desktop shortcut to “My computer” and the “control panel”. A most useful task as I can now easily see what devices are attached to my laptop and transfer files back and forth. Thank you Tamas.


But unfortunately, I’m still a trifle confused.

I now have a Microsoft account, a Skype account, a Mays pharmacy account, an Egoli Gas account, a Telkom account, all with different rule and regulations, and maybe foolishly; I’ve given each of them a different password. To deal with this I’ve created a “passwords” file. Surely it would be more convenient if I had the same password for every account. “No, no!”, scream the computer literate saying, “It will be easy to hack into your accounts”. Sound advice, I think.

But very time consuming for my dear self!

I’ve now been thrown into a complete quandary!

I’ve downloaded a movie making AP called “Easy Movie Maker”.  It says that it is for beginners and is simple to use. I’m now five hours down the proverbial line and I still can’t make head or tail of it! I’ve managed to make 3 “Projects” and I’ve saved them, they appear in a box called “Projects!” But I can find no way to name them!

What is more galling, is the YouTube tutorials for the application are useless!!

Now after ten hours I returned to the FREE application. And discovered it’s not free!! I eventually managed to save a file and give it a name, at least I thought I had. After I clicked on “Submit” button, I was immediately asked for thirty-five Rand, so I closed the application down, only to discover it had not been saved. Money grabbing Arseholes!!!

“Easy Movie Maker” uninstalled and a new free-application downloaded called “Filmora”. I’ve open it once and again run into difficulties so onto the Net again to find a tutorial.

The Bastards!!! “Filmora” just like the “Easy” bunch have now asked that I pay them $36 to gain the full programme and I have only 3 days to give them a credit card number, if I am to make use of their SPECIAL Offer!!!

Sorry “Filmora”, I haven’t got $36!!!!

It is galling to find all these “Free” offers on the Net only to discover a week later that they are not free!!

Surely, they are obliged to let their possible customers know that the deal is only a trial-useage and there will be a demand for payment in a week’s time?

“Filmora’s” deception has caused me to postpone my attempt to find a video-producing AP and I have returned to the one function I am able to understand, which is the writing of these blogs.  But I must admit that confusion is in the air. I have now discovered that my “word” application offers me the choice of writing my blog as either a document or a “Blog”, and yet I can’t fathom out the difference!

Common sense tells me that if I write it as a “Blog” the formatting will work better when I copy and paste it into my blog-post. However, for ten years I have written my blog as a word document and then copied and pasted it. Apart from a few trials and tribulations, as to the size of my font and the placing of a few photographs I seem to have succeeded.

I any of you reading this have any suggestions on this matter, I would greatly appreciate if you could comment at the end of reading on the blog page.

AND it is not just computers and the internet that are dabbling in new-fangled technologies!!

Our local power utility company seems to have entered the fray. Now instead of running their 3- phase supply on 3 separate high-wire street wires they are bungling then together into one. Alright, this prevents falling tree branches snapping the individual phase wire but now that all 3 insulated phases are “bungled” together it has become doubly difficult to trace a short! The reason they offer for the innovation is, “It’s cheaper!”

The medical fraternity is also climbing on the band wagon with new ways to cure our ailments and in some cases, finding new ways to diagnose them.

Recently, while watching Sky News, I learn that using over one thousand diagnosed cancer patients, research was showing that a diagnosis could be found using DNA, the complex building block of our being. DNA is a thread-like chain of nucleotides the genetic instructions used in the growth, development, functioning and reproduction of all known living organisms. Although it will still be some time before the test is used they jubilantly announced that it would cost over three hundred and fifty Pounds Sterling!

Yep, money certainly makes the world go around.

But it won’t make mine, as I have always been a man of limited means, I will rely on the wisdom of my doctor and my memories of my grandfather who went from an agile active sixty-five-year-old weighing over forty stone to a skeleton covered in skin in six weeks way back in the early nineteen-sixties.

A final industry I’d like you to consider is the automobile business. How would you feel in an Autonomous vehicle? It is estimated that by 2020 we'll have cars capable of being fully autonomous in certain circumstances, on highways and roads with a minimal of variables and no bad weather.

Also think about a vehicle that has a keyless entry and you start your car by using your finger-print or a scan of your eyeball.

Finally give a thought to a vehicle that constantly monitors your body keeping a track of all your vital functions. The legendary motor company Ford, is already working on the idea of your seatbelt or steering wheel sensors that track your vital statistics.

Yeah, it’s time we went back to the Russian pen used in space, the pencil and my grandpa’s pidgeons to carry our messages instead of one of these!!